Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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