they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
