I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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