i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
