Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
