I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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