Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
