Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
