did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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