I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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