I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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