He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
