I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
