its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
