Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
