do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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