as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
