I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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