dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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