and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
