Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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