Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
