you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
