then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
