Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
