He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize