Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
