Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
