News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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