toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
