I just pynch a tree in the face
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
