Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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