mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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