my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
