A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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