can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
