My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
