That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
