im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
