Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
jump out the window naked night went bad
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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