i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
