Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
