I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
