it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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