On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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