I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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