Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
