Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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