Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
