My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
