Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
