Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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