Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We got so high we made milksteak
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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