Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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