happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize
