he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
