saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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