ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
