I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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