i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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