oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
