I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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