look no pants
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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