True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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