i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize