He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
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Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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