So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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