Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
